The part of divorce that scared me the most was the financial aspect. This came as a surprise to me. I have been helping people with their money since I was a teenager. Why now, would I feel insecure about what I was trained and skilled to do? Naturally, money can be scary. I was scared because I didn’t know what my options were. I was relying on my attorney for the dissolution of marriage and emotional support. I wish I had found a therapist to walk me through this difficult time.

I didn’t realize the affect divorce would have on both my physical and mental health. While I was going through my divorce, I lived with my sister. It was a safe place to for me to stay as I was making my decisions. There were days when I could not get out of bed and my sister would push me to get up. I remember her spoon feeding me oatmeal one morning, telling me that I must eat. Eating is one of my favorite things to do, so the fact that I had a hard time shoving food down my mouth, meant that I was truly struggling. Divorce makes you go through so much change: emotional, physical, financial. You might be moving houses. Your friends may change. Your brain is in overload with information and emotional coping. Couple all of that with financial changes, and it’s a lot!

My divorce happened quickly, thankfully.  It took about 3 months to get through the entire process. I hired an attorney, but it got really ugly very quickly. I wish I had taken the time and interviewed more attorneys. My attorney’s personality was litigative, battle-ish and powerful. I thought I needed the powerful attorney because my ex had anger management issues. The reality is the more things that get battled out, the more conflict and money is spent on the divorce. It doesn’t always bring you value to have a forceful attorney.

Divorce can bring on impulse decision making. I remember wanting to sell my house to get rid of all of the bad memories. I felt like I could have changed my mind every day or every week I was going thru so much change. I ultimately took my time on the sale of my home. It took a lot of willpower, but I was really glad I took my time in making those big financial decisions both during and after my divorce.

I can recall soon after my divorce thinking I was going to be single my whole life. I had visions of being a sad old lady in a wheel chair all by myself. I knew in my heart that I wanted to find love again, but had all kinds of irrational fears going through my head.

A friend of mine taught me that time is healing and you can’t speed up time. The months went by and glimmers of hope were appearing in my life. I went from completely fallen apart to feeling super empowered, powerful and finding my voice again. It wasn’t long after that I found the love of my life, my now husband. We met through mutual friends at a wedding. Looking back, it took all of that pain to find a healthy relationship and true love.

Financially Wise Divorce is a DBA of Birch Cove Group, LTD., a registered investment adviser with the state of Minnesota. Birch Cove Group, LTD. only transacts business in states where it is properly registered or is excluded or exempted from registration requirements. Information contained herein does not involve the rendering of personalized investment advice and should not be relied on as such. A professional adviser should be consulted before implementing any of the strategies or options presented. Birch Cove Group, LTD. do not offer tax or legal advice. You should discuss and tax or legal matters with the appropriate professional.

 Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. owns the certification marks CFP®, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™, CFP® (with plaque design) and CFP® (with flame design) in the U.S., which it awards to individuals who successfully complete CFP Board's initial and ongoing certification requirements. A CDFA® professional is a financial professional skilled at analyzing data and providing expertise on the financial issues of divorce. The role of a CDFA® is to assist the client and his or her attorney to understand how the decisions he or she makes today will impact the client's financial future.

FINANCIALLY WISE DIVORCE IS A DBA OF BIRCH COVE GROUP LTD.